Champzilla.com NFL Playoffs Predictions
By Dan | January 9, 2010
I’m going to start off by patting myself on the back. Picking 7/12 playoff teams at the beginning of the year ain’t bad. Sorry Falcons, Texans, Chiefs, Titans and Steelers, maybe next year (Chiefs? What was I thinking?)
Just got back from Florida and the Capital One Bowl. Penn State beat LSU in a close one where the field conditions were the worst I’ve ever seen. It looked like a Monster Truck Rally was held before the game. Saw a lot of LSU fans at Epcot the next day ‘drinking around the world’. LSU fans are my kind of people, drinking til the hurt feelings go away.
I strongly urge casual football fans like myself to get into college football. I did this year. It’s definitely not as great as NFL, but you never know when there’s going to be a work stoppage due to a strike in the upcoming years. That’s when I close my eyes, point at a map of the United States and root for the team closest to where my finger lands.
Playoff Predicitons
The New York Jets over the Cincinatti Bengals- There are few sure things in life. One of them is that the Bengals don’t win playoff games. Jets will give Thomas Jones 25 carries and move on to round 2.
The Dallas Cowboys over the Philadelphia Eagles- This is a tough one, but I fully believe that Wade Phillips and Tony Romo are ready to make a serious run in the playoffs. I wouldn’t be shocked if they manage to fuck it up, especially against Philadelphia. Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb are always unpredictable in the playoffs.
The New England Patriots over the Baltimore Ravens- No Welker? No Problem! We cloned him in the offseason and called him Julian Edelman. Plenty of Brady to Moss in this game, and maybe something from Baker the TD maker.
The Green Bay Packers over the Arizona Cardinals- Green Bay Defense is going to eat Kurt Warner alive, possibly ending his career. SLAUGHTER.
ROUND 2!!!
The Indianapolis Colts over the New York Jets- The Colts get revenge over the team that ruined their prefect season chances (haha).
The New England Patriots over the San Diego Chargers- Yeah, still not picking against the Pats, even if San Diego is playing the best football right now. I just can’t do it.
The Green Bay Packers over the New Orlans Saints- Again. This defense is the real deal. Saints are a disaster.
The Dallas Cowboys over the Minnesota Vikings- I fucking hate Brett Favre. It’s time for his monumental collapse. I mean another one.
AFC Championship Game- The New England Patriots over the Indianapolis Colts. Please God. Make this happen.
NFC Championship Game- The Dallas Cowboys over the Green Bay Packers. Close game, but Dallas wins in Dallas.
SUPERBOWL 44- America’s Team vs. America’s REAL team. The New England Patriots over The Dallas Cowboys.
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Champzilla.com NFL Preview 2009
By Dan | September 7, 2009
It’s time again for The Big Dog to take on the top 2 sports magazines in the country and see who has the best NFL predictions. Let’s look back at last year’s post. If you don’t have it printed out and framed next to your computer, here’s the link http://www.champzilla.com/2008/09/03/champzillacom-nfl-preview-2008/
ESPN The Mag- 4/10 picks right
Sports Illustrated- 3/10 picks right
Champzilla.com- 2/10 picks right
Ok, so I did pretty bad. I even picked the Lions to win their division, but they failed in every way imaginable. This year is redemption time, and this year we get BONUS POINTS for picking the record right.
AFC EAST
ESPN The Mag- The New England Patriots (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots (13-3)
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots (14-2) Are we all in agreement here? Patriots are the best team ever? Good.
Fun Fact: Every sports writer loves the Patriots, but they actually love me back.
AFC North
ESPN The Mag- The Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3) I really don’t think it’s that hard to imagine the Steelers with a higher record since they play the Bengals and Browns twice respectively, and those appear to be guaranteed wins. There’s 4 wins right there.
Fun Fact: Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger had a wacky off-season that featured attempted rape in a casino. Attempted rape? What’s the matter Ben, couldn’t get it up?
AFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Indianapolis Colts (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Houston Texans (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Tennessee Titans (12-4) Interestingly enough, Sports Illustrated and I both say the Texans and the Colts will have identical records of 10-6. We just have the tie breakers going the other way. I like both teams this year, but I’m going to have to go with Tennessee to repeat as division champs. They have the most depth as a team, and losing Haynesworth does not catapult this team out of playoff contention.
Interesting Fact: It’s very easy to make a Peyton Manning joke.
AFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers (13-3)
Sports Illustrated- The San Diego Chargers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Kansas City Chiefs (7-9) This division is abysmal. I’m picking the division winner to have a below .500 season. If people were embarassed that a division winner finished with an 8-8 record, just wait for this season. (FYI- I also picked the Chargers to go 7-9, but I’m DONE with that team. If they didn’t get it done in the last 5 years, they have no chance now.)
Interesting Fact: San Diego LB Shawne Merriman lead the league this preseason in Tila Tequila chokings.
NFC EAST
ESPN the Mag- The New York Giants (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New York Giants (12-4)
Champzilla.com- The Washington Redskins (12-4) God help me I’m riding this pick to the grave. I’m predicting the Tony Romo/Roy Williams experiment will fail in Dallas, and that the Eagles will still be a contender, but I just can’t bring myself to pick the Giants. It’s impossible.
Interesting Fact- Things Eli Manning finds impossible: Peeing standing up; changing in the locker room in front of all the other boys; talking to a girl; not crying at the Grey’s Anatomy season finale.
NFC North
ESPN the Mag- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Minnesota Vikings (12-4) I thought this was a no-brainer, but apparently the best writers in the business think Chicago is hot shit. News Flash: Jay Cutler SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! Minnesota has the best Running Back in the game, and even if the Farve experiment doesn’t workout, they still have depth at the QB position.
Interesting Fact: Jay Cutler is so excited to be a Bear that he curled his pubes to look like the Chicago Bear “C”. One fell out in the process, but the two he has left look pretty cool.
NFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Carolina Panthers (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Atlanta Falcons are my team to beat this season. I’m totally gay for Matt Ryan, even more so now that he has THE GREATEST TIGHT END IN NFL HISTORY to pass to. Michael Turner is a beast and is now enetering his prime. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!: This team is going all the way (to losing to the Pats in the Superbowl)
Intersting Fact: The term “Tampa Bay Fuckin’ Queers” still makes me giggle. Haha.
NFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Seattle Seahawks (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Arizona Cardinals (13-3) I think people tend to forget that this team was a 9-7 team that somehow won the entire NFC last year. Even a slight improvement on that record is enough to win the division, and they certainly have the tools to do just that. I’m not jumping on that Seahawks bandwagon again. I know it’s tempting, they made some great offseason moves (T.J. Houshmanzadeh; Edgerrin James), but when the team is absolutely crippled by the loss of their mediocre QB, it’s not a good sign.
Interesting Fact: Kurt Warner’s wife is somehow hot now. I shit you not.
AFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Jacksonville Jaguars (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (8-8)
Sports Illustrated- The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Baltimore Ravens (10-6) and The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) Same Wild Card as last year. Nothing exciting. Shame on ESPN for thinking the AFC doesn’t have enough good teams that our second Wild Card slot will go to a .500 team.
Interesting Fact: Catch Ray Lewis in his new CBS sitcom “Everybody Loves Ravens”! (viewer discretion is strongly advised)
NFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Philadelphia Eagles (9-7) and The Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Minnesota Vikings (10-6) and The Green Bay Packers (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Green Bay Packers (10-6) and The New Orleans Saints (10-6) God help me, I like the Packers and the Saints this year.
Interesting Fact: Aaron Rogers lead the league last year in “spunk” and was second only to Matt Ryan in “moxie”.
SuperBowl 44 Picks
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers over The New York Giants (Gay and Gayer)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots over the Chicago Bears
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots over the Atlanta Falcons
IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE THE PATRIOTS DO NOT EXIST:
Bill Bellichick and a pack of hungry dogs over the Atlanta Falcons.
Interesting Fact: After picking the San Diego Chargers and the New York Giants to reach the Superbowl, ESPN the Mag officially changed its name to ESPN the Vag.
Shit I hope sticks when I throw it against the wall (wacky predictions):
-The Detroit Lions will get two wins this year. Home wins over the Cardinals and Steelers.
-The Tampa Bay Bucs will go 1-15
-The Oakland Raiders will go 1-15
-The Baltimore Ravens will make it to their second consecutive AFC Championship game.
-Rodney Harrsion will be delightful as a NFL color commentator.
-The Dallas Cowboys ‘Jerry-Tron’ will continue to be an embarassment.
-B.J. Raji will win Defensive Rookie of the Year
-Chad Ochocinco will be a top 5 reciever
-The Houston Texans will go 10-6 but miss the playoffs
-Mark Sanchez will win Rookie of the Year
-Tom Brady will win League MVP and Superbowl 44 MVP while making all the ladies moist
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Freedom of Press
By TheSexauer | July 26, 2009
It moves me on a day like today, where the weather is fine, the breeze is comfortably warm, the air smells sweet, and everything is as right as it can be - I have to eloquate on how refreshing it is to be able to compose a post for Champzilla.com, the eighth most popular website in the world, and have it published with no hassle, no frustratiions, and be read by all of its thousands of readers.
God Bless America, and God Bless Champzilla.com
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Actual Email
By Dan | July 22, 2009
You may not have heard, but thanks to webmaster Michael Taylor I have ‘press’ credentials for The World Futbol Classic at Gillette Stadium. Apparently the PR department relies heavily on ‘The Honor System”. Anyways, I thought I’d share one of the emails I got from them. Am I actually going to do this? STAY TUNED!!!!
Hello Everyone,
Inter Milan and AC Milan will be holding training sessions on the main field at Gillette Stadium on Saturday, July 25 from 6pm – 9pm. This practice is open to the media.
In order to enter the practice, you will have to go through the Media / Security check-in to pick your credentials. Also at this point you will receive a parking pass for the game on Sunday. It is important that you pick up the pass on Saturday, because if you do not you will have to parking on Sunday.
During the practice, you will be allowed to take photos. We will sent up a mixed zone for after the practice, but please note it is not a definite that all coaches and players will be available.
If you have any questions, please contact me.
Thanks.
Lauren Hickey
PR Manager
Preston Consulting
661 Washington Street
Suite 310
Norwood, MA
02062 USA
Tel: (781) 929-7300
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The Tiddy Bear Infomercial
By Dan | July 19, 2009
Hopefully, everyone has seen this before, but this really bugs me. Did someone really make this and NOT see a problem with this? I mean, it’s called the TIDDY bear, which is phoenetically idential to TITTY bear.
God I miss my friend Jon’s sister. She had the best Tiddy Bears.
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Willy B. Hardigan CEO Profile
By Champzilla.com Management | July 15, 2009
Willy B. Hardigan is the ninth chairman of CHAMPZILLA.com the 8th most popular website on the internet. He has held this post since July, 2009.
Mr. Hardigan has held several global leadership positions since coming to CHAMPZILLA.com in 1982, including roles in CHAMPZILLA.com’s Plastics, Appliance, and Medical businesses.
In 1989 he became an officer of CHAMPZILLA.com and joined the CHAMPZILLA.com Capital Board in 1997. In 2009, Mr. Hardigan was appointed president and chief executive officer.
Mr Hardigan has been named one of the “World’s Best CEOs” three times by Barron’s, and since he began serving as chief executive officer, CHAMPZILLA.com has been named “America’s Most Admired Company” in a poll conducted by Fortune magazine and one of “The World’s Most Respected Companies” in polls by Barron’s and the Financial Times.
Mr. Hardigan is also a member of The Business Council, and he is on the board of the New York Federal Reserve Bank.
Mr. Hardigan earned a B.A. degree in applied mathematics from Dartmouth College in 1978 and an M.B.A. from Harvard University in 1982. He and his wife Andrea have one daughter.
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A Random Tribute to Jack Red
By Champzilla.com Management | July 15, 2009
This Video has been posted at the sole digression of Willy B. Hardigan,
Head of the Champzilla.com Management Committee
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Internet Abound with Rumors of Jack Red’s Death
By TheSexauer | July 15, 2009
NEW YORK (AP) –As if this is what the world of popular culture needs right now, rumors of the death of internet blogger/vlogger Jack Red are spreading like wildfire. Jack Red, who chooses this nom de plume over his own, is considered by some to be the next upcoming internet starlet - the likes of which we haven’t seen since Chris Crocker (”Leave Britney Alone”), Tay Zonday (”Chocolate Rain”), or Caitlin Upton (”2007 Miss Teen USA Miss South Carolina). Jack Red is best known for his Dark Knight Joker impressions, his knowledge of video games, and his affinity for the Nintendo’s “Zelda’s Adventure” in particular.
Tens of people across social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter have been speculating on the cause of death, which range from auto-erotic asphyxiation to post concussion syndrome to anaphylactic shock. It is believed that Jack Red hails from the Buffalo, NY area. As of the publication of this article he could not be found.
Recently a string of celebrity deaths have shocked the pop culture world, starting with David Carradine and moving on to Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Horatio Sanz, and most recently with Billy Mays.
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Champzilla Sportsman Diaries: DOUBLE HEADER- Trenton Thunder @ New Hampshire Fishercats, Merchantauto.com Stadium, Manchester NH//Scranton WB Yankees @Pawtucket Red Sox, McCoy Stadium, Pawtucket RI 5/24/09
By Dan | June 14, 2009
On Friday April 24th, 2009, I suffered a severe concussion. While training new lifeguards I was administering the skills test while acting as their victim. During a routine back-boarding scenario, two of the trainees dropped me on my head. I don’t remember much else after that, but I somehow got myself dressed and walked around work for two hours before someone noticed I wasn’t making any sense when I talked. An ambulance was called, the rest of the day was spent in the emergency room, and the long recovery began.
Apparently recovering from a concussion takes a long time, especially when it comes to regaining memory and handling mood swings, but it did leave me with a newfound respect for athletes recovering from brain injuries. Who am I kidding? It left me with a newfound respect for Teddy Bruschi, Brian Scalabrine, and any MMA fighter who’s fought Fedor Emelianenko.
The entire week that I wasn’t able to drive, work, or hangout I’d think about what I would want to do when I got better. It took my friend’s GENIUS masterwork of screwing with the New Hampshire Fishercats’ Wikipedia Page that I realized I wanted my first post-concussion beers at a Fishercats game. What was supposed to be a quiet afternoon ballgame quickly became one of the best sports memories of my life.
My buddy and I drive to Mercantauto.com Stadium (great name, by the way) in beautiful ‘Manch-Vegas’ New Hampshire and buy the finest 6 dollar seats in the stadium- the aluminum bleacher seats. The beer line was relatively small since it was an afternoon game after all, so I was able to grab my tall cool Budweisers and grab some aluminum bench before the first pitch. My first ‘beer-covery’ sips had just hit my lips when a young woman in a Fishercats shirt holding a microphone asks me and my buddy (also double-fisting Buds) if we would want seat upgrades.
I looked at my buddy, shrugged, made a ‘what-the-hell/why-not’ expression, looked back at the girl, shrugged again and said “Ok. Sure.” Now that was me calmly accepting the invitation, because I felt that if I had overreacted she would rescind her offer. We got plopped right in front of home plate, got FREE T-SHIRTS, and were put on jumbo-tron. We were told beforehand that we would not be allowed to speak when put on the jumbo-tron, but I managed to yell out a quick “fishacaaaat” before they cut back to the game.
Unfortunately, what was shaping up to be the greatest day ever suffered from a sudden spring shower. Even though it was very minute, and the game was not stopping, people started rushing to the concourse area so they wouldn’t get slightly damp. I made a make-shift tent out of my FREE T-SHIRT and began feeling very proud of myself for toughing it out.
Yes Dan. This is it. You’re proving you’re the number one Fishercats fan, and people are going to notice it. There’s a reason you got seat upgrades and a FREE T-SHIRT: Because you’re a Champ. And God knows you’re a Champ. Yeah…God knows you’re a champ and the greatest Fishercats fan ever and He gave you a seat upgrade with a FREE T-SHIRT because you’re the Champ and a Champ deserves a FREE seat upgrade and a FREE T-SHI-
“I don’t want to sit in the rain.” My friend says totally disrupting my inner monologue that easily could have gone on for several more minutes.
“Awww, jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. You don’t understand. God wants us to be here. It’s a no-hitter going into the second inning. We’re probably going to see a no-hitter if we stay.” I argued.
“Yeah, but if God wanted us here, he wouldn’t have let it rain.”
Damn. His reasoning was sound.
“Let’s just go get more beers and watch the rest of the inning in the concourse. I’m sure it will stop raining soon. Then we’ll go back.”
Even sounder reasoning. I was out of beers, might as well grab some and enjoy them without getting rain in them, thus turning them into Michelob Ultras.
So as soon as I turned my back and began ascending the stairs to the concourse level, a ball was hit down the first base line, effectively ending the no-hitter. I was crushed. My friend, feeling it was his fault that he jinxed it (it was), offered to buy me a beer. For those of you who may end up being in this situation one day, a beer is an acceptable form of apology for jinxing a would-be-no-hitter, as are Arby’s coupons, but there is no beer with an APV% high enough that can make you forget the hurt your friend has caused. My white whale has escaped me again…
Anyways, after that tragedy ended my favorite part of the game began. Making drunken purchases at the team gift shop. What minor league apparel/novelties did I walk away with this game? The new official Fishercats hat, the new “It’s a Fishercats thang.” T-shirt, and a plush doll of the NEW tertiary Fishercats mascot ‘The Rah-lee Llama’. All the purchases seemed like wise choices at the time, but I remember thinking it made sense to buy a new t-shirt since I already received a FREE one, because I was technically “up a t-shirt”, or whatever the hell that meant at the time. Did I mention I was drunk?
As I got back to my seat and explained the whole “up a t-shirt” logic to my friend, we noticed that everyone surrounding us had radar guns and notepads. We were either in the ‘scout section’ or the ‘minor-league-pitching-enthusiast section’. My gut told me they were scouts. That and the guy with the Astros note pad said “Yes, I’m a scout.” when we asked him if he was a scout. Apparently even though a Blue Jays affiliate was playing a Yankees affiliate, scouts from rival organizations attend minor league baseball games around the country to see what prospects are worth trading for. I found this fascinating. (I checked, I did mention I was drunk.)
As the seventh inning approached and beers were about to be cut off, I began trying to make plans for the rest of the Sunday night. Memorial Day was the next day, and my buddy and I did have the day off. In the spirit of the holiday I felt like I wanted to see another good old fashioned American baseball game, and not something commercial like a movie or chain restaurant. I immediately asked my friend to Google Search ‘ballgames’ on his iPhone so we could take my Toyota Matrix for a drive to another stadium before filling up at Exxon and Burger King.
“Hey, are you guys going to another ballgame?” asked a scout.
“Trying to, I just broke even on t-shirts, so might as well try my luck elsewhere.” I said (still drunk).
“Well, the PawSox are playing 2 hours south of here. Playing another Yankee affiliate too. Should be a good game.”
It was settled. After sobering up with a free box of Ritz 100 calorie packs handed to us upon exiting, we made our way to Pawtucket, Rhode Island (Side note: joking aside, we actually did stop at BK and Exxon. I wanted a Star Trek glass and we needed gas and chicken fries for the drive).
We got to McCoy Stadium and again bought 6 dollar aluminum bleacher seats. Sadly, there was no seat upgrade this time. We tried to make our own, sitting in two seats right behind home plate. It was a happy coincidence having one of the scouts from the previous game recognize us at this game (he made the same trip too), but it was a very unhappy turn of events when the usher asked us for tickets to seats we did not have. After a few beers and becoming ‘down a t-shirt’ because of a trip to the gift shop, we sat at our crummy bleacher seats until it began to downpour in the fourth inning. We took for cover in the tented snack area behind the Yankee affiliate bullpen.
A bunch of pre-teens led by a tall kid with braces began asking the pitchers for gum. When their requests were ignored, they began throwing rocks at their cleats and duffle bags. The boys apparent ‘leader’ didn’t let his braces get in the way of letting his expletives fly. After several minutes of unbridled taunting directed towards the bullpens mothers (who I’m sure are lovely and not ‘fat asses’ as the boys suggested) the future Yankees offered their persecutors some Dubble Bubble if they would put a halt to the taunting. A truce was made by Minor League Red Sox fans and Minor League Yankees, which would normally bring a tear to ones eye over the overwhelming showing of sportsmanship, but alas, the aforementioned truce was short lived. The Dubble Bubble wrapping was quickly removed only to reveal the rocks the kids had been throwing at them, and not delicious Dubble Bubble bubble gum. I have to admit, I laughed pretty hard, even if it was a laugh shared with men who would become Yankees.
My buddy and I didn’t stay for the rest of the game, and instead watched the end in a KFC from a food court at a Rhode Island casino. I can’t for the life of me remember who won either of the two games I watched, but it turned out to be the first ever Pre-Memorial-Day-Make-Your-Own-Double-Header (to my knowledge), and I’ll always remember it when I’m looking through my ticket stub album and see the two stubs for the same day.
Yes, I do save my ticket stubs in an album.
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Classic Champzilla (from 2006)
By Dan | May 2, 2009
I got a spam comment from my old LiveJournal page, and it was on this post. The comment was about some stupid spyware thing, but it gave me the oppurtunity to revisit this early gem. ‘Dead Israeli atheletes’? What was I thinking?
I’m sorry buddy.
I always thought in my head and in my heart that I would be the first to go and not you.
I’ll never forget this day as long as I live. This is without a doubt one of the darkest days of my life.
I got up at 9:30 am, since I’m currently unemployed. I decided that I would take an extra long drive out to Arby’s in Worcester so I could listen to Howard Stern at 10am, eat some delicious fast food, and come home in time for work. I never thought that on that drive I would learn of your demise.
I pulled into Arby’s drive-thru at 11:30. I ususally look at the menu before hand to see all the wonderful sandwiches I can get, but its pointless for me to do so. I know the one I want.
In a matter of seconds I hear the Arby’s lady say “May I help you?”
“Yes, I would like a Big Montana combo.”
“I’m sorry sir, we don’t carry the Big Montana anymore.”
My heart sank. This can’t be happening again. You bastards. You took the Arch Deluxe. You took the Hickory Bacon Cheddar Triple Cheesburger. You even taunt us with McRib, only to take it away without warning over and over again. But good GOD not this. Not this way.
“Um, are you going to have it back, like……by noon or something. I’ll wait.”
“No, I’m sorry sir, it was discontinued.”
That was it. I began to think of life without it. I won’t be able to get an erection for at least a month, no matter how many dead Israeli olympic athletes I think of.
The Arby’s lady tried in vain to console me. “Sir…..sir….? We have a new ‘Large’ Roast Beef sandwich. I can give you that with a combo.”
“Huh? Oh…..yeah…..yeah, sure.”
“You want regular fries, or curly?”
“(sniff)….curly.”
“You want a coke with it?”
“…..um….(sob) (choke) um…..diet coke….”
“Sure….will that be all?”
“….could I…..(sniff)…..could I get an…..an extra large roast beef sandwich with my combo?”
“Of course, anything you want? Please drive around…..everything’s gonna be OK.”
So I park in the parking lot, take out my sandwiches, look at them and begin crying. Why couldn’t God dicontinue me instead?
I eat the large roast beef sandwich.
Same size as Big Montana.
Tastes the same.
But no GIGANTIC plastic container. And its no longer named after the Fourth largest state (in terms of area). This blows.
I remeber when I was a kid, I used to get a regular roast beef sandcwich. Then when I got a little older, two regular roast beefs. Then they came out with “Giant Roast Beef” and I’d get that. Then came Big Montana. I had just turned 13, and it was if Arby’s was telling me “Welcome to manhood.” It was like my own non-jewy Bar-Mitzvah. It was a Roast-Beef-mitzvah if you will. Then came the day I did the impossible. I went to Arby’s after getting Triple H’s autograph at the Worcester Centrum. Two Big Montanas. Yeah, I did it. It was awesome. Now I’ll never be able to do it again.
It seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind.
Big Montana
1996-2006
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