The Sportsman Diaries: Special Olympic Aquatics, Harvard University, Cambridge MA 6/19-6/20/2010
By Dan | June 20, 2010
The way I came about being a Special Olympics swimming coach is pretty uninspiring.
I became a lifeguard and swim instructor after high school to make money for college. I wasn’t a competitive swimmer or anything, I was just naturally buoyant (Thanks, Burger King) and knew all the strokes. I’d love to make a joke about how ‘breastroke’ was my favorite, but after a decade of teaching the damn arm and leg techniques, the humor in the name has been dead to me for a long time. Well….not that long, maybe just the last couple of months or so.
Anyways, when you lifegaurd for a organization like a Boys and Girls Club, you work whatever hours the pool director gives you. Sweet gig too, just sit there and PRAY no one dies on your shift.
One night I was working my new 3-9pm shift and was told ‘Special Olympics’ would be using the pool from 7-8pm. I was nervous as hell, because I never considered myself to be good with people who have special needs. I even admit, sometimes I was plain scared of upsetting them or offending them by not understanding what they were trying to say to me.
The first athlete arrived 15 minutes early and sat down right next to me outside the Guard office. Her name was Debbie, she was in her 40’s and had Downs Syndrome. I immediately said “How are you today?” just like I would any patron in the pool, and just like everyone else she relied with a simple “Good.” After 20 seconds of silence Debbie decides to talk to me about the Red Sox for the remaining 15 minutes of my time lifeguarding an adult lap swim.
“The Red Sox lost this afternoon”…..”It’s ok, I love them”……..”Guess who my favorite is”……”Jason Varitek, because he’s the captain”……”Guess who my favorite of all time is”…..”Jim Rice”…..”I met Jim Rice”……”He gave me a hug, said I was his biggest fan”.
Keeping my eye on the pool the whole time I would reply to her in very short responses like “That’s nice”, “Oh, wow”, or my favorite “MmmHmm”. I wasn’t trying to be rude, and I certainly wasn’t trying to brush her off, but like I said before, I was nervous.
During Special Olympics’ time in the pool every swimmer came up to me to shake my hand and talk to me. I was amazed that this was the friendliest group I’ve ever lifegaurded, most other swimmers don’t bother saying anyhting to me let alone make eye contact.
After a few weeks my anxiety disappeared. Handshakes turned to hugs and polite chit-chat became full-length conversations. Unlike any other shift I had in the pool, I would look forward to my time with Special Olympics.
After my first year with Special Olympics my shift changed and I was no longer the lifeguard for their swim. I still decided to show up, not to work, just to see them all again. It was just 45 minutes after work had ended, no big deal. I’ve since coached dozens of swim meets and volunteered hundreds of hours, and it never ever seems like work. It always felt like being part of a team, which I don’t think I truly ever felt before.
All the athletes that compete in Special Olympics train for one big weekend a year: The Harvard Meet. Just like any swim meet, they get divided into ‘heats’ and race different strokes and hope to win medals. My job is to bring my teams’ wheelchair-bound athletes to the pool and prep them for their races. Their races are always slow as hell, and the people swimming next to them are slow as hell, but it’s the most excitement I’ll ever have watching swimming, and YES I’ve watched Michael Phelps on TV when he competed in Beijing. I don’t know if it’s the fact that they are competing in this sport without full mobility in their arms and legs, but it can really move you.
After hoisting them up out of the pool and into their chair (which is the hardest part of this coaching gig) I bring them to the “awards tent” where they are presented with a ribbon for not placing or a medal for coming in first, second, or third. It’s a great moment for the athletes and their families, something they all deserve.
This year left a bad feeling in my stomach as I left the first events Saturday. One of our swimmers named Joe had been getting up there in age, and had noticeable chages in personality. This year Joe had become much more irritable than he already was. He had been wandering away from the group all day, and sometimes getting himself lost. Simple things like tying his shoes or taking off his shirt were becoming much more difficult than they had in the past. He would fall asleep in his chair, trail off when he was speaking, and became frustrated easily with his teammates. Our head coach noticed these chages to and notified Joe’s caregivers. It was sad, but I think I was coming to the realization that Joe didn’t have much time left.
On Sunday, Joe competed in his last event for the year. He was swimming 50 yards of front crawl against 7 other swimmers who were almost all equal in their swimming abilites. I tried to wave to Joe at the other end of the pool, but he just gave me one of those “Get outta here” waves. The starting whistle blew and Joe quickly swam a 5 yard lead against all his other competitors. They tried their hardest, but just couldn’t catch up. I couldn’t have been happier.
Joe got out of the pool and quickly began acting like a tough guy, something that has always been a unique quality associated with him and not any other swimmer on our team.
“Hey Joe,” I said. “You did it! First place.”
“I know.”
“Aren’t you excited.”
“Yeah I’m excited. Now get my shoes.”
“Joe, your shoes are under that bench. Let’s put them on after we go get your medal.”
“Ok, but you hold them, I sit down and put’em on.”
“No Joe, we gotta go now. The group already went to the awards tent. Just put them on later.”
Needless to say, Joe was pissed. I didn’t want to spoil the surpirse that he was going to get a gold medal, because he didn’t seem to be making that connection on his own. I followed his group to the awards tent and realized he had wandered off again. I bolted back to the pool area and found Joe leaning up against a wall, trying to put his shoes on.
“Joe! They’re giving the medals out, we gotta get there! Just CARRY your shoes!”
“HEY. Relax. You relax.”
“Ok Joe. They’re going to give your medal away, because you couldn’t get there on time.”
“You listen to me. (Something incoherent).”
“Ok then, no medal for Joe.”
I start walking away, hoping I can delay the medal announcements by two minutes when I hear Joe yell to me in the distance. I couldn’t make it out at first, but then I heard it clear as if he was standing next to me. It was “I hate you, I hate you.” Now Joe has said that to me numerous times before, like the time I wouldn’t let him buy a coke before he got in the van that was taking him home, or the time I wouldn’t let him help me put the vacuum in the pool, but this time it cut me deep.
I explained the situation to the people handing out the medals, and they patiently waited for Joe. Joe got their and was announced as the gold medal winner. His expression on his face changed from typical grumpy Joe to pure jubilation. Holding his arms up in the air and sporting a smile that showcased all 9 of his remaining teeth, he approached the awards podium to great applause from the twenty or so spectators at the awards area. He got to stand on the podium, higher than any of the 7 men who swam against him. As always, Joe wouldn’t leave until he shook the hands of ANYONE that looked like they were in charge, and thankfully they all obliged him with a smile on their face. Joe came over to me and gave me a high five and got a big hug from his brother who was in the audience at the time of his race. After this weekend I was forced to reflect on Joe, because I feel that he doesn’t have too many of these moments left, and unfortunately for some of these athletes these medal ceremonies are the only happy moments they get in their lives. This is their only time to feel respected and appreciated. Something we all crave and take for granted when we get it.
Being a fan of respect and sportsmanship is something rarely seen on any televised sporting event but is always found in Special Olympics. I didn’t become one of their coaches for any feeling of political correctness, community service, or warm and fuzziness, but rather because I’m a fan of respect and will always respect the hell out of them.
Thank you, Joe.
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Announcement: Champzilla.com Selects World Headquaters
By Champzilla.com Management | March 7, 2010
WATERTOWN, MA. – March 7, 2010 - Continuing its role as a pioneer in sustainable workplaces, CHAMPZILLA.COM has earned the competitive LEED(R) Platinum Certification for its new eco-friendly headquarters at 21 Nickles in Watertown, MA . The 27,500 square foot rental space at 21 Nichols Street received the highest point total of any commercial interior in the world evaluated for certification by the U.S. Green Building Council. CHAMPZILLA.COM’s redesign of the space was completed for only 10 percent above the cost of less environmentally friendly modifications. Its green improvements will pay for themselves in 10-15 years, depending on energy costs.
“CHAMPZILLA.COM is again helping to raise the bar for environmentally-friendly office environments in Watertown, MA and beyond”, said CHAMPZILLA.COM CEO Willy B. Hardigan.
“Our new home office demonstrates CHAMPZILLA.COM’s commitment to providing employees with a cost-effective, productive and comfortable workplace that fits our environmental values and also allows us to concentrate financial resources on our conservation mission. Most importantly, what we’ve done here is a model of cost-effective sustainability that can be replicated by others.”
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Champzilla.com NFL Playoffs Predictions
By Dan | January 9, 2010
I’m going to start off by patting myself on the back. Picking 7/12 playoff teams at the beginning of the year ain’t bad. Sorry Falcons, Texans, Chiefs, Titans and Steelers, maybe next year (Chiefs? What was I thinking?)
Just got back from Florida and the Capital One Bowl. Penn State beat LSU in a close one where the field conditions were the worst I’ve ever seen. It looked like a Monster Truck Rally was held before the game. Saw a lot of LSU fans at Epcot the next day ‘drinking around the world’. LSU fans are my kind of people, drinking til the hurt feelings go away.
I strongly urge casual football fans like myself to get into college football. I did this year. It’s definitely not as great as NFL, but you never know when there’s going to be a work stoppage due to a strike in the upcoming years. That’s when I close my eyes, point at a map of the United States and root for the team closest to where my finger lands.
Playoff Predicitons
The New York Jets over the Cincinatti Bengals- There are few sure things in life. One of them is that the Bengals don’t win playoff games. Jets will give Thomas Jones 25 carries and move on to round 2.
The Dallas Cowboys over the Philadelphia Eagles- This is a tough one, but I fully believe that Wade Phillips and Tony Romo are ready to make a serious run in the playoffs. I wouldn’t be shocked if they manage to fuck it up, especially against Philadelphia. Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb are always unpredictable in the playoffs.
The New England Patriots over the Baltimore Ravens- No Welker? No Problem! We cloned him in the offseason and called him Julian Edelman. Plenty of Brady to Moss in this game, and maybe something from Baker the TD maker.
The Green Bay Packers over the Arizona Cardinals- Green Bay Defense is going to eat Kurt Warner alive, possibly ending his career. SLAUGHTER.
ROUND 2!!!
The Indianapolis Colts over the New York Jets- The Colts get revenge over the team that ruined their prefect season chances (haha).
The New England Patriots over the San Diego Chargers- Yeah, still not picking against the Pats, even if San Diego is playing the best football right now. I just can’t do it.
The Green Bay Packers over the New Orlans Saints- Again. This defense is the real deal. Saints are a disaster.
The Dallas Cowboys over the Minnesota Vikings- I fucking hate Brett Favre. It’s time for his monumental collapse. I mean another one.
AFC Championship Game- The New England Patriots over the Indianapolis Colts. Please God. Make this happen.
NFC Championship Game- The Dallas Cowboys over the Green Bay Packers. Close game, but Dallas wins in Dallas.
SUPERBOWL 44- America’s Team vs. America’s REAL team. The New England Patriots over The Dallas Cowboys.
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Champzilla.com NFL Preview 2009
By Dan | September 7, 2009
It’s time again for The Big Dog to take on the top 2 sports magazines in the country and see who has the best NFL predictions. Let’s look back at last year’s post. If you don’t have it printed out and framed next to your computer, here’s the link http://www.champzilla.com/2008/09/03/champzillacom-nfl-preview-2008/
ESPN The Mag- 4/10 picks right
Sports Illustrated- 3/10 picks right
Champzilla.com- 2/10 picks right
Ok, so I did pretty bad. I even picked the Lions to win their division, but they failed in every way imaginable. This year is redemption time, and this year we get BONUS POINTS for picking the record right.
AFC EAST
ESPN The Mag- The New England Patriots (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots (13-3)
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots (14-2) Are we all in agreement here? Patriots are the best team ever? Good.
Fun Fact: Every sports writer loves the Patriots, but they actually love me back.
AFC North
ESPN The Mag- The Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3) I really don’t think it’s that hard to imagine the Steelers with a higher record since they play the Bengals and Browns twice respectively, and those appear to be guaranteed wins. There’s 4 wins right there.
Fun Fact: Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger had a wacky off-season that featured attempted rape in a casino. Attempted rape? What’s the matter Ben, couldn’t get it up?
AFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Indianapolis Colts (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Houston Texans (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Tennessee Titans (12-4) Interestingly enough, Sports Illustrated and I both say the Texans and the Colts will have identical records of 10-6. We just have the tie breakers going the other way. I like both teams this year, but I’m going to have to go with Tennessee to repeat as division champs. They have the most depth as a team, and losing Haynesworth does not catapult this team out of playoff contention.
Interesting Fact: It’s very easy to make a Peyton Manning joke.
AFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers (13-3)
Sports Illustrated- The San Diego Chargers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Kansas City Chiefs (7-9) This division is abysmal. I’m picking the division winner to have a below .500 season. If people were embarassed that a division winner finished with an 8-8 record, just wait for this season. (FYI- I also picked the Chargers to go 7-9, but I’m DONE with that team. If they didn’t get it done in the last 5 years, they have no chance now.)
Interesting Fact: San Diego LB Shawne Merriman lead the league this preseason in Tila Tequila chokings.
NFC EAST
ESPN the Mag- The New York Giants (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New York Giants (12-4)
Champzilla.com- The Washington Redskins (12-4) God help me I’m riding this pick to the grave. I’m predicting the Tony Romo/Roy Williams experiment will fail in Dallas, and that the Eagles will still be a contender, but I just can’t bring myself to pick the Giants. It’s impossible.
Interesting Fact- Things Eli Manning finds impossible: Peeing standing up; changing in the locker room in front of all the other boys; talking to a girl; not crying at the Grey’s Anatomy season finale.
NFC North
ESPN the Mag- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Minnesota Vikings (12-4) I thought this was a no-brainer, but apparently the best writers in the business think Chicago is hot shit. News Flash: Jay Cutler SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! Minnesota has the best Running Back in the game, and even if the Farve experiment doesn’t workout, they still have depth at the QB position.
Interesting Fact: Jay Cutler is so excited to be a Bear that he curled his pubes to look like the Chicago Bear “C”. One fell out in the process, but the two he has left look pretty cool.
NFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Carolina Panthers (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Atlanta Falcons are my team to beat this season. I’m totally gay for Matt Ryan, even more so now that he has THE GREATEST TIGHT END IN NFL HISTORY to pass to. Michael Turner is a beast and is now enetering his prime. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!: This team is going all the way (to losing to the Pats in the Superbowl)
Intersting Fact: The term “Tampa Bay Fuckin’ Queers” still makes me giggle. Haha.
NFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Seattle Seahawks (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Arizona Cardinals (13-3) I think people tend to forget that this team was a 9-7 team that somehow won the entire NFC last year. Even a slight improvement on that record is enough to win the division, and they certainly have the tools to do just that. I’m not jumping on that Seahawks bandwagon again. I know it’s tempting, they made some great offseason moves (T.J. Houshmanzadeh; Edgerrin James), but when the team is absolutely crippled by the loss of their mediocre QB, it’s not a good sign.
Interesting Fact: Kurt Warner’s wife is somehow hot now. I shit you not.
AFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Jacksonville Jaguars (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (8-8)
Sports Illustrated- The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Baltimore Ravens (10-6) and The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) Same Wild Card as last year. Nothing exciting. Shame on ESPN for thinking the AFC doesn’t have enough good teams that our second Wild Card slot will go to a .500 team.
Interesting Fact: Catch Ray Lewis in his new CBS sitcom “Everybody Loves Ravens”! (viewer discretion is strongly advised)
NFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Philadelphia Eagles (9-7) and The Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Minnesota Vikings (10-6) and The Green Bay Packers (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Green Bay Packers (10-6) and The New Orleans Saints (10-6) God help me, I like the Packers and the Saints this year.
Interesting Fact: Aaron Rogers lead the league last year in “spunk” and was second only to Matt Ryan in “moxie”.
SuperBowl 44 Picks
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers over The New York Giants (Gay and Gayer)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots over the Chicago Bears
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots over the Atlanta Falcons
IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE THE PATRIOTS DO NOT EXIST:
Bill Bellichick and a pack of hungry dogs over the Atlanta Falcons.
Interesting Fact: After picking the San Diego Chargers and the New York Giants to reach the Superbowl, ESPN the Mag officially changed its name to ESPN the Vag.
Shit I hope sticks when I throw it against the wall (wacky predictions):
-The Detroit Lions will get two wins this year. Home wins over the Cardinals and Steelers.
-The Tampa Bay Bucs will go 1-15
-The Oakland Raiders will go 1-15
-The Baltimore Ravens will make it to their second consecutive AFC Championship game.
-Rodney Harrsion will be delightful as a NFL color commentator.
-The Dallas Cowboys ‘Jerry-Tron’ will continue to be an embarassment.
-B.J. Raji will win Defensive Rookie of the Year
-Chad Ochocinco will be a top 5 reciever
-The Houston Texans will go 10-6 but miss the playoffs
-Mark Sanchez will win Rookie of the Year
-Tom Brady will win League MVP and Superbowl 44 MVP while making all the ladies moist
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Freedom of Press
By TheSexauer | July 26, 2009
It moves me on a day like today, where the weather is fine, the breeze is comfortably warm, the air smells sweet, and everything is as right as it can be - I have to eloquate on how refreshing it is to be able to compose a post for Champzilla.com, the eighth most popular website in the world, and have it published with no hassle, no frustratiions, and be read by all of its thousands of readers.
God Bless America, and God Bless Champzilla.com
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Actual Email
By Dan | July 22, 2009
You may not have heard, but thanks to webmaster Michael Taylor I have ‘press’ credentials for The World Futbol Classic at Gillette Stadium. Apparently the PR department relies heavily on ‘The Honor System”. Anyways, I thought I’d share one of the emails I got from them. Am I actually going to do this? STAY TUNED!!!!
Hello Everyone,
Inter Milan and AC Milan will be holding training sessions on the main field at Gillette Stadium on Saturday, July 25 from 6pm – 9pm. This practice is open to the media.
In order to enter the practice, you will have to go through the Media / Security check-in to pick your credentials. Also at this point you will receive a parking pass for the game on Sunday. It is important that you pick up the pass on Saturday, because if you do not you will have to parking on Sunday.
During the practice, you will be allowed to take photos. We will sent up a mixed zone for after the practice, but please note it is not a definite that all coaches and players will be available.
If you have any questions, please contact me.
Thanks.
Lauren Hickey
PR Manager
Preston Consulting
661 Washington Street
Suite 310
Norwood, MA
02062 USA
Tel: (781) 929-7300
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The Tiddy Bear Infomercial
By Dan | July 19, 2009
Hopefully, everyone has seen this before, but this really bugs me. Did someone really make this and NOT see a problem with this? I mean, it’s called the TIDDY bear, which is phoenetically idential to TITTY bear.
God I miss my friend Jon’s sister. She had the best Tiddy Bears.
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Willy B. Hardigan CEO Profile
By Champzilla.com Management | July 15, 2009
Willy B. Hardigan is the ninth chairman of CHAMPZILLA.com the 8th most popular website on the internet. He has held this post since July, 2009.
Mr. Hardigan has held several global leadership positions since coming to CHAMPZILLA.com in 1982, including roles in CHAMPZILLA.com’s Plastics, Appliance, and Medical businesses.
In 1989 he became an officer of CHAMPZILLA.com and joined the CHAMPZILLA.com Capital Board in 1997. In 2009, Mr. Hardigan was appointed president and chief executive officer.
Mr Hardigan has been named one of the “World’s Best CEOs” three times by Barron’s, and since he began serving as chief executive officer, CHAMPZILLA.com has been named “America’s Most Admired Company” in a poll conducted by Fortune magazine and one of “The World’s Most Respected Companies” in polls by Barron’s and the Financial Times.
Mr. Hardigan is also a member of The Business Council, and he is on the board of the New York Federal Reserve Bank.
Mr. Hardigan earned a B.A. degree in applied mathematics from Dartmouth College in 1978 and an M.B.A. from Harvard University in 1982. He and his wife Andrea have one daughter.
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A Random Tribute to Jack Red
By Champzilla.com Management | July 15, 2009
This Video has been posted at the sole digression of Willy B. Hardigan,
Head of the Champzilla.com Management Committee
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Internet Abound with Rumors of Jack Red’s Death
By TheSexauer | July 15, 2009
NEW YORK (AP) –As if this is what the world of popular culture needs right now, rumors of the death of internet blogger/vlogger Jack Red are spreading like wildfire. Jack Red, who chooses this nom de plume over his own, is considered by some to be the next upcoming internet starlet - the likes of which we haven’t seen since Chris Crocker (”Leave Britney Alone”), Tay Zonday (”Chocolate Rain”), or Caitlin Upton (”2007 Miss Teen USA Miss South Carolina). Jack Red is best known for his Dark Knight Joker impressions, his knowledge of video games, and his affinity for the Nintendo’s “Zelda’s Adventure” in particular.
Tens of people across social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter have been speculating on the cause of death, which range from auto-erotic asphyxiation to post concussion syndrome to anaphylactic shock. It is believed that Jack Red hails from the Buffalo, NY area. As of the publication of this article he could not be found.
Recently a string of celebrity deaths have shocked the pop culture world, starting with David Carradine and moving on to Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Horatio Sanz, and most recently with Billy Mays.
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