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Week 12 Pix, Guitar Hero, The Mist, Ed Reed
By Dan | December 1, 2007
It’s all important week 13 in the NFL and here are the picks!
Dallas over Green Bay in a gay Thurday night game that was already played. Don’t worry, I haven’t seen it yet, I’m not one of the 16 people who have NFL network.
Miami to get their first win over the New York suckass. Way to go (fags)
Minnesota over my beloved Lions. Just don’t hurt their dreams Vikings :(
Philly over Seattle in the battle of the faggy-bird-named-teams.
Titans over Texans.
Indy over Jax.
Washington over Buff N’ Blow to avenge the death of whats his face. Robbery gone wrong my ass.
Whale’s Vagina over Kansas City. We do know that Whale’s Vagina means San Diego right? We’ve all seen Anchorman? Good. Just makin sure.
Denver over Oakland.
Pittsburgh over Cincinnatti
Nawlins over TB due to a banged up midget QB.
UPSETS PLEASE!!!!
San Fransisco Silly Nannies over Carolina. I just don’t think Carolina has any juice left.
Atlanta over St. Louis. Gus Ferotte is bad enough to blow this game, even with Steven Jackson.
Cleveland over Arizona. Browns are the official "No fuckin shit" team of the AFC.
Chicago over the New York Ass Suck. Time for another NY Giants second half of the season collapse.
PROJECTED PATS SCORE-
Hmmmm. This is a tough one. Baltimore has a great Defense, so it won’t be as big a score as some people say. The Ravens offense is a mess, and Randy Moss played at least 3 of his plays last week while sleepwalking (it happens). I’d have to say….
Patriots-57 Ravens- 7
The sole Ravens TD will be given up my "Slap-Ass" Matt Light somehow.
Man Crush of the Week-
Ed Reed. Yeah, I know he is a Non-Boston-Sports player, and I wasn’t really gay for him, but Bellichick is. Did you hear Bellichick talk about this man at the most recent Pats Press Conference. Ed Reed this, Ed Reed that. The man has a serious man-crush on this Ravens safety. And if Bellichick has a man-crush on him, then we can all have a man-crush on him. So that’s why this week it’s OK to be just a little gay for future New England Patriot, Ed Reed.
Off the E-Vite List For GOOD…..
Evel Keneival. Way to die doing something UNspectacular, ya jerk. If you knew you were dying, why didnt you go out in a blaze of glory. Jump the Grand Canyon on a ten speed with bottlerockets on it. That’s much cooler than "natural causes". America’s greatest Daredevil my ass.
What’s Hot Right Now….
Guitar Hero. I played it for the first time, and it’s totally addicting. Basically it’s ‘Simon’ with awesome tunes like Iron Maiden’s "The Number of the Beast". There’s even a internet version that’s still pretty addicting (just with crappy songs). Instead of a guitar, you use arrow keys. It can be found at http://www.addictinggames.com/supercrazy
What’s Wicked Gay Right Now….
Faggy movie reviewers. All week I’ve seen reviews bashing "The Mist" which is now in theatres. Every kid who reviews it says it is EXACTLY like the Stephen King novella, except for the ending. Wah, wah, wah. I didn’t get a gay Stephen King ending that made me think. Instead I saw the GREATEST ENDING IN THE HISTORY OF FILM.
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, so the guy from the Punisher takes his son and his black neighbor to Stop and Shop, but the Stop and Shop gets covered in mist. Some guy says there’s stuff in the mist, but some are skeptical. Some guys crack open a door and a octopus monster kills a bag boy. Now everyone is freaked out. The black neighbor says "Shit, I’m gettin outta hear!" and all of the black people and some random white guys go out into the mist and die. Later that night mosquito monsters come and kill the hot chick by stinging her and making her into a puffy fat chick. Then Pterodactyl monsters come to eat the mosquito monsters, and the Punisher lights mops on fire and kills the Pterodactyl monsters while his kid is being a total PAIN IN THE ASS by standing in everybody’s way screaming "daddy, daddy!" The Punisher decides to go to the Pharmacy next door to get drugs for the guy who got accidentally burnt in the whole mop-fire fiasco and comic books for his wuss-kid (he picked up Hellboy, which was the movie that took #1 from the Punisher, just thought that was odd) While in the Pharmacy, he gets attacked by spider monsters that shoot acid webs. Of course when he gets back, the crazy religious lady (every town in New England has at least one) is stirring up shit at the Stop and Shop. Punisher wants to leave, but Bible-lady says No. The nerdy assistant manager SHOOTS and KILLS the bible lady (awesome). The Punisher decides to get the fuck out with his friends (and fag-kid). One of his freinds gets killed by the spider monsters with acid webs, and the nerdy assistant manager who killed the bible lady gets killed by some type of lobster/praying mantis monster. The Punisher salvages the nerdy guy’s gun and starts driving off in his Canyanero. He keeps driving until he runs into a dinosaur/elephant/octopus monster thats WICKED BIG, but it doesnt do anthing, it just looked wicked cool. Then the Punisher runs out of gas. With the four bullets left in the gun he shoots the old couple in the back of the car, his new love interest and (and this is the best part) his son. He kills them all. He goes out into the mist to meet his fate. Instead of some new type of monster coming to eat him, the army shows up. They’re kicking the shit out of all the aformentioned monsters with flame throwers. The Punisher is screaming with grief. I’m laughing so hard I couldn’t breath. They were behind him the whole time! He killed his faggy kid for nothing. Oh man, It was MAGNIFICENT!
"Hey, we’ve been honking for hours, we’re killing all the monsters with our flame throwers, wanted to know if you needed any hel- oh…..oh shit…..what did you do? Oh man, this must suck for you. Dude. I mean, dude. There’s a kid in there, you shot a kid. Oh wait…….was that your kid?!?!?! Oh fuck man……I mean, if you just waited………
….like a minute……..
….shit."
Topics: Games, Man Crush, Movies, Personal |
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