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NFL Playoffs, Guitar Hero, Foxwoods, Taco Bell
By Dan | January 4, 2008
After a couple of weeks away I thought it’d be a good time to write my first blog of 2008.
The NFL Playoffs are here, and here are the only picks you need to know for the weekend:
The San Diego Chargers will DESTROY the Tennessee Titans. I’m sick of ESPN saying that Vince Young is a "big game QB". The big games are in the NFL, not pussy college-ball. I’m not a fan of the Chargers this year (or any other year for that matter) but Tennessee is lucky as hell to have gotten in the playoffs. They’re all banged up, and they’re ready to go home.
The Jacksoville Jaguars will upset the Pittsburgh Steelers. This game all boils down to the running game. Pittsburgh has ZERO running game with Willie Parker injured, and the Jags have a two-headed running monster in Drew and Taylor. There’s a reason that David Girrard makes so few mistakes, and it’s not because he’s a great QB. He has a great running game to support him. I’m smelling a game chock-full of Ben Rothelisburger fuck-ups (always hilarious) and a Jacksonville defense who is more than capable of capitalizing on said fuck-ups. Patriots better figure out how to shut down that Jags running game, cause they’re comin to Foxboro next week, and they’re lookin’ HOT right now.
I’m being serious, Jack Del Rio has to be the handsomest coach.
Tampa Bay over the New York Suck-ASS. On paper it looks as if the Giants are gonna take this easy, but I just can’t pick them in the playoffs. I’m taking Lucky the Leprecaun to lead the Buccs past the first round.
REDSKINS over the Seahawks. Hard to pick against a team that has angels in the endzone (note to self: Netflix "Angels in the Endzone" again) Redskins are playing the best football out of any NFC team in the past 5 games. This is my pick to lose to the Pats in the Superbowl.
IT’S OK TO HAVE A MAN-CRUSH ON: Kevin Garnett. You’d think with the Pats goin 16-0, it would be one of them, but that game KG had against the Rockets this week made my nipples hard. Even if you’re not reading this in Massachusetts, take comfort in the fact that you can at least close your eyes and legally fantasize about same-sex marriage with Garnett (DISCLAIMER: Fantasy may not be legal in Texas, Kentucky, or Alabama.)
I had a little too much during the Pats win over the Giants last Saturday. Too much meaning 12 Sam Adams’ Rivalry Ales and 2 glasses of champagne. Is there anything better when you’re drunk than 2am Fuddruckers at Foxwoods? At 2am I was able to get a medium rare burger with cheddar cheese, bacon, mushrooms, and a shitload of pickles.
Tasted good coming up too.
THINGS I WANT TO BE DOING THE MOMENT JESUS COMES BACK: Kicking ass at Guitar Hero III. Finally beat medium level, and beat two songs on Hard (it’s wicked hard). Some kid at the Boys and Girls’ Club that I work at was so psyched that he scored an 80% on "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" on Easy. I crank out a PERFECT score on "Welcome to the Jungle" on medium with Slash as my guitarist, and say to the kid "in your face PUNK!" He ran off crying, but it’s ok, he may have been one of those slow kids, cause a normal kid would have been heavily impressed. Jesus would. (Note to self: Dedicate next playing of "Talk Dirty to Me" to the Lord.)
NEXT INDUCTEE INTO THE FAST FOOD HALL OF FAME: Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell. How can Taco Bell improve their already nummy taco? Add zesty ranch sauce, and bake it into a bigger soft taco shell with a layer of cheese in between. Awesome.
GAMBLING TIP OF THE WEEK: Find a slot machine with a bear on it. They seem to pay out more than non-bear slot machines.
Seriously, find the bear ones.
INSPIRING STORY OF THE YEAR SO FAR: I had 99 steak tips for dinner last night. They were wicked good, but I had to crap wicked bad after I ate them. It was so huge it kind of collapsed over the toilet drain, kind of like a bridge over a big pit. I thought I was gonna have to chop it up with an ax, but after a couple flushes it went down. It was one of those dumps where you feel tired after it, so you just curl into bed and fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.
WHAT’S WICKED GAY RIGHT NOW: My brother. I went to see Alien Versus Predator: Requiem with him (Note to self: Write about how good it was in the next fake-blog topic) and he walks 5 feet behind me the enitre walk to the movie theatre. Not next to me, or directly behind me, a full five feet behind me like he’s my chinese wife/jewish husband. It’s wicked gay. I wanted to talk about the movie and how I thought Predtaor was gonna kick the shit out of Alien this time (P.S–I was right).
WHAT’S WICKED HOT RIGHT NOW: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem. For those of you who are not as learn-ed as I, requiem is the french word for "two", and what a sequel this was. Predator has to hunt down Pred-Alien, which is the offspring of another Predator and an Alien, but the Pred-alien keeps on generating more alien buddies to help him fight the Predator. Predator has two shoulder cannons and blows off two guys heads AT THE SAME TIME in one scene, and has a giant chinese throwing star which he uses to saw through two aliens and a hot blonde chick. Predator kills all the Aliens, but comes to a draw with the Pred-alien before getting killed with an a-bomb. Technically Predator beat all the Aliens, so in the bout of Aliens vs. Predator, Predator won, which is how it should have gone, cause the Predator is wicked hot right now.
Pred-alien was pretty cool too though.
Topics: Food, Movies, Sports, TV |
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