« Sarah answers your tough questions! | Home | Champzilla’s Balls Across America: Dodger Stadium »
Champzilla.com presents “What’s Wicked Gay Right Now” no. XXIX
By Dan | April 18, 2008
What’s wicked gay right now?
Music.
Yes, all of it.
I remember being so excited for music when I was in high school, but now I just don’t care.
Someone recently told me that I should see U23D because it’s so cool to watch U2 in 3D. I thought U2 was gay in 2D, what would they do in a 3D movie, grab my balls?
I’m sorry U2, that was a little harsh. I never really minded U2 before, but it just becomes more and more apparent as I get older just how faggy that band really is. They always have to care about something. Africa. Third World Debt. Hurricane Victims. Aids. Why can’t they just play music? Why is that so hard for these guys? Quit being soooooo gay Bono.
Last U2 concert I went to was at the TD Banknorth Garden a few years ago when it was still called the Fleet Center. It was a really great show, one of the best I’ve ever been to, but there was one thing that really bothered me. I left the stage area one time to get a hot dog and a beer, and I got hassled by Greenpeace asking me to sign a petition. I went to get more beer and I got hassled by Greenpeace again. I went to go to the bathroom and I got hassled on the way in, and hassled on the way out. U2 allowed greenpeace to hassle me. Gay. Wicked gay.
I never signed anything, I was just too annoyed. When asked to sign, I’d say “Yeah, I already did.” After the fourth time being hassled, I thought I’d give Bono a piece of my mind. Luckily I had tickets right up front, so I could easily just walk right up to the stage to talk to him- or so I thought.
I get right up front, and Bono is singing “With or Without You”, grabbing his chest, closing his eyes, being really emotional (gay).
“With or without yoooooooooou…..”
“Excuse me, Mr. Bono…….”
“With or without you, ahhhhhh huhhhhhhhhh….”
“…….why did you make it ok for Greenpeace to bug me?”
“I can’t liiiiiiiiiiive…….”
“See, I just wanted a beer……..”
“With or withooooooout yoooooooooou…….”
“And they just keep bugging me…….”
“OHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHH OH OHHHHHHHHHH, WOOOOOAH OHHHHH OH OH OHHHHHHH, WOAHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHH OH OHHHHHH HMMMMMMM MMMMMMM….”
“I see that your busy, I’ll try this again later…..”
Its not just U2 that annoys me, it just seems like everything about music lately. All these annoying hit singles like “Low” by Flo Rida piss me off beyond belief, but at the same time get stuck in my head and won’t get out. I’ll be at work and I’ll be mumbling “she hit the flo…… next thang you know……” It’s embarassing.
And remember when being an Ozzy fan used to be cool? After being several years removed from that reality show he STILL isn’t cool! He’s been trying hard, putting out some OK material too, but its not just the same.
Metal is a mess now too. There’s a band called Atreyu. I’ve never heard them, but I legit heard about them from a 17 year old girl who said that I would like them becasue “they’re really cool, and they rock so hard.”
Now I could have gone to itunes and listened to the group, but I did what I normally do and researched everything about them on wikipedia. I read about 3 lines and made up my mind if the band sucks or not (P.S.–it sucks). The band is actually named after the character from the Never Ending Story, because no movie screams METAL more than the Never Ending fucking Story. WICKED GAY! I’ve decided that with all the metal tags out there (Speed Metal, Thrash Metal, Metalcore, Nu-Metal) I’m going to make my own tag and put Atreyu right at the top of the list. That tag is Girl Metal. That’s right, Metal for girls, and you’re about to be put on that list Lamb of God (also recommended by aforementioned 17 year-old girl).
And what’s with the Cleveland Symphony Orchetra this year? I just don’t know about this season. Most European of the American orchestras my ass! If you’re going to bore us to tears with the harpsicord, at least choose pieces from the Baroque period that may actually be worth while. Just take a note from the Philadelphia Philaharmonic. No one handles Handel quite like they handle Handel (Note to self: Brilliant.)
If you wanna take a break from the suckfest of modern music, I suggest seeing the Rolling Stones film “Shine a Light” on the IMAX. They may be old as hell, and they’re faces have so much old skin flaps they resemble the vaginas described in Sarah’s latest post, but at least the music kicks ass because its the Stones- survivors of a time when music wasn’t so gay. So wicked wicked gay.
Topics: wicked gay |
Comments
You must be logged in to post a comment.