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Bulletpointed Movie Review: Iron Man
By Dan | May 10, 2008
Iron Man stars:
-Robert Downey Jr. who played Special Agent John Royce in “U.S. Marshals”, which is a rather forgettable role, but the performance which prompted Joe Pantoliano to utter one of my favorite movie quotes of all time– “The guy just broke my fucking glasses.” (Note: Quote happened after Robert Downey Jr’s character broke Mr. Pantoliano’s character’s ‘fucking glasses’)
-The Dude from “The Big Lebowski”
-The lead black guy from “Hustle and Flow”
-A damn fine looking Gwyneth Paltrow
-Al Quaeda
-Nerdy arab guy who teaches Iron Man how to ‘love’
-Robotic arm designed to assist Iron Man and provide comic releif (P.S.– Mission Accompished)
Iron Man received an “PG-13” rating for:
-scenes where Iron Man single handedly destroys terrorism in Afghanistan
-Robert Downey Jr. boozing it up
-Gwyneth Paltrow looking damn fine
-two men figthing in robot suits
-Robert Downey Jr. pulling a 3 foot long rubber tube out of his nose (2 more feet and it would have been hilarious)
-”The Dude” goes all evil on us
The Plot
-Tony Stark is a douchebag-billionaire-genius
-Al Quaeda kidnaps him and an Arab nerd and force them to build a missle
-They decide to build a robot suit instead
-The robot suit destroys everything, but the nerdy arab guy dies in all the broo-ha-ha
-The robot suit blows up or something, I forget
-Did I mention that when Tony Stark was kidnapped his heart was damaged so he built himself a robot heart? Well he did. Its pretty cool.
-Tony Stark gets rescued by his black friend from the Air Force
-Tony Stark doesnt wanna build weapons anymore, which gets the Dude upset
-Tony Stark builds a robot suit that looks wicked awesome and when he wears it he becomes IRON MAN
-The Dude turns out to be evil and builds his own robot suit out of the robot suit that blew up in the desert
-Iron Man kicks the shit out of bad guys and blows up a tank, which was awesome, because he just fires a small missle and starts walking away, and I’m all like ‘what the fuck’, but then the tank blows up behind him, so I turn to my brother and say ‘dude, that was sick.”
-Robot suit battle
(SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT THE ENDING SPOILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
-Iron Man wins
The good:
-It was all good
The bad:
-No Gwyneth Paltrow nudity, but she wears a backless dress, which was wicked hot
-Iron Man 2 does not immediately start after the credits end
Final Grade: A+
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