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Champzilla Sportsman Diaries: FC Dallas @ New England Revolution, Gillette Stadium 4/4/09
By Dan | April 5, 2009
I had been excited for this game for quite some time now. For the past couple of weeks I had been looking at the design for the free scarf I was to receive at ‘free scarf night’ on the Revolution website. It looked so unique, completely different from my other scarves, a perfect addition to the three I have draped over the headrests in my car. On my driver’s side I had the classic Revolution team scarf I bought last season at the Pro Shop when I was drunk. On the passenger side was my “Superliga 2008” scarf I bought at last year’s Superliga finals. I was drunk when I bought that too, but we had just won the whole thing on Penalty Kicks, and I needed something to commemorate that moment. The final scarf was my new “Midnight Rider” scarf, which I draped over the ‘bitch seat’ headrest. I wasn’t drunk for that purchase, just bored at work when I bought it online.
My game plan was to go to “free scarf night” which was coincidentally the first home game of the season for the Revs, get aforementioned “free scarf”, party all game long and cap the night off with a Five Guys burger. My Midnight Rider scarf would get pushed over from the ‘bitch seat’ to the rear passenger seat, and the new scarf would take up the remaining passenger seat, completing my collection (The bitch seat will remain vacant for now, maybe reserved for a “Boston Breakers” scarf down the line). Fortunately for me most of what I said went according to plan, but not everything.
I was a bit hungover after a Friday night out with some work buddies. As much as I tried to tough it out, I had to come to the realization that I wouldn’t be able to consume too many cocktails before, during or after the game. My buddy and I got to the stadium early to buy some tickets. We decided on getting some Club tickets since it was the first game of the season, and worthy of a special seat. Later we would go looking for a burger, my favorite hang-over cure.
I had told a co-worker the other day that even though Five Guys has an amazing burger, I felt my buddy had been getting sick of it since we had eaten there our last three visits to Patriot Place and that I may have to give “Red Robin” a try. She then told me that “Bar Louie” was not only a great bar, but had very good burgers and was worth trying. Taking her advice I suggested it to my buddy and we gave it a go.
Bar Louie was a good time, and did not disappoint burger-wise. The seats were extremely comfortable, the high-def televisions were plentiful, and it had a hell of a beer list. If I wasn’t hungover, I would have enjoyed it more but still managed to down a Bud Light bottle in honor of the Revolution’s first kick. My buddy had become increasingly annoyed with some people behind us who were upset that we were at our seats for so long, even going as far to make audible rude comments intended for our ears. Comments aside, my conscience never once bothered me while I was seated at the bar in front of those yuppies. Bars are intended for drinking and watching the Final Four, if they had wanted a seat they should’ve tried SkipJack’s, but that’s just my opinion.
After leaving Bar Louie and giving those vultures our seats, we made our way to the Stadium to get the much-daydreamed-about free scarf. After mistaking the free-program kid AND the free-magnetic schedule kid for the free-scarf kid, I finally got what I was waiting for: a free- by gawd- scarf. It was handed to me much like a community college professor would hand out his syllabi, but with an added “heeeeeeere’s your scarf.” It was plastic wrapped like a happy-meal prize, and folded in a neat little rectangle that could not have been thicker than a few pieces of paper. I immediately tore into it like it was the Wonka Bar with the last golden ticket. I thought my scarf was misprinted, because when I looked at it the logo was the mirror opposite of the Revolution logo. Luckily my soberness allowed me to see that I was looking at the back of the scarf, and after turning it around I realized that my two-week long dream of having a fourth soccer scarf had become a reality.
Due to the club seats my buddy and I had a bit of a walk to get to our section. When we got to the club entrance we were greeted by another free-program kid, another free-magnetic schedule kid, and yes- another free-scarf kid. Thoughts of some crazy Machiavellian double-free-scarf strategic scheme briefly came into my mind, but instead I found myself hiding the first free scarf in my jacket while getting handed a second. Getting a second scarf was such a rush that I immediately had to urinate due to my unbridled excitement.
Using the urinals in the club section is an entirely different experience than using the urinals outside the Fort, mainly because you’re in a heated indoor area. After an incredibly comfortable men’s room experience I exited out the back door only to come face to face with the meanest looking security guard I’ve ever seen. He reminded me of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson of MMA fame. He looked at me up and down and realized something was amiss.
“Whatchu got in yo jacket?”
I was terrified. I reached in my jacket and pulled out my second free scarf which was still in its plastic packaging.
“Um, free scarf?”
“Well what’s it doin’ in there?”
I then managed to utter the lamest excuse I could have possibly come up with in the unlikely situation I was interrogated by a security guard resembling the reigning light-heavyweight UFC champion regarding a scarf I was smuggling in my jacket.
“I– I was keeping it in my jacket so it wouldn’t fall while I peed.”
His look of utter disgust was one I would not soon forget.
“Alright then.”
After that horrifying ordeal was over, I was ready for the Revs game. I bought a coffee before finding my seat just for the fact that it was freezing cold out. After my buddy and I settled in our seats a woman noticed the free scarf my buddy was wearing. The woman explained that she did not see anyone giving out free scarves, and therefore her 5 year old son did not receive one. My buddy, who had also gotten a second scarf, offered his extra to the boy. I could have been a gentleman too, but after the interaction with the security guard, I was not at all eager to part with it. That’s right. I’m a jerk who let a young mother go scarf-less for the entire Revolution game. And I had scarves to spare. AND it was freezing.
The Revs came out holding kids hands, and I immediately grabbed my phone to twitter how lame I thought that was. During the introductions I immediately began to wish I was at the Fort. Telling random FC Dallas players they “suck” was something I dearly missed in the club section. The only thing that came close to synchronized soccer chants in the club section was when an FC Dallas player took a 100mph ball to the ass and me and two other gentlemen remarked “That’s gotta sting” at the exact same time. I made eye contact with one of the men, and even gave him a respectful head nod, but the comaraderie was just not the same.
At halftime I made another trip to the bathroom after chugging that coffee. It’s not every day you see a celebrity, but right there in front of the men’s room door was The Revolution Fox mascot (I can never remember his name). I immediately called my buddy who was still back in his seat.
“Dude, you gotta get up here.”
“Nah. I don’t have to piss.”
“No, no, no. The Revolution Fox mascot is up here!”
“…ah…I’m all set.”
“NO! I need you to come up so you can take a picture of me with it.”
“…ah…ok, I’ll be right up.”
I began to get nervous that the Fox would take off before my buddy got to us, but there he was with his iPhone in hand, ready for a pic. I caught the fox’s attention, put my arm around him (her?) and got ready for my pic. After an EXTREMELY uncomfortable amount of time my friend delivered the worst news possible: his camera had frozen, and he would have to take a minute to reboot his phone. By the time his camera was ready again, the Fox was gone. To my credit, I didn’t cry, but I’ll admit to getting the burning sensation you get behind your eyes right before you cry. My buddy apologized profusely, and said he’d make it up to me by getting my picture taken with Wally the Green Monster one day, but I know that’s a virtual impossibility seeing how he’s the Holy Grail of mascot souvenir photography. I just hope that anyone who reads this gets discouraged on buying an iPhone. Sure it can do your taxes, download Family Guy clips and make you breakfast, but its camera freezes during potentially awesome mascot photo-ops.
What I can remember from the game itself was the Revs scoring four goals but only getting two to count. During the last 20 minutes my buddy and I made our way to the Fort, making a pledge to never stray away from the Fort again unless an opportunity to sit in President’s Club arrived. Free scarf night ended on a high note when my buddy suggested a post Revs victory Five Guys burger before hitting the road. After a delicious burger I made my way to the parking lot where I redecorated my car with my newly acquired free scarf knowing that my spare could be donated in its original packaging to the future site of the New England Revolution Hall of Fame (in the waiting room at the new Olive Garden).
Best free scarf night ever.
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