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Champzilla.com NFL Preview 2009
By Dan | September 7, 2009
It’s time again for The Big Dog to take on the top 2 sports magazines in the country and see who has the best NFL predictions. Let’s look back at last year’s post. If you don’t have it printed out and framed next to your computer, here’s the link http://www.champzilla.com/2008/09/03/champzillacom-nfl-preview-2008/
ESPN The Mag- 4/10 picks right
Sports Illustrated- 3/10 picks right
Champzilla.com- 2/10 picks right
Ok, so I did pretty bad. I even picked the Lions to win their division, but they failed in every way imaginable. This year is redemption time, and this year we get BONUS POINTS for picking the record right.
AFC EAST
ESPN The Mag- The New England Patriots (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots (13-3)
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots (14-2) Are we all in agreement here? Patriots are the best team ever? Good.
Fun Fact: Every sports writer loves the Patriots, but they actually love me back.
AFC North
ESPN The Mag- The Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3) I really don’t think it’s that hard to imagine the Steelers with a higher record since they play the Bengals and Browns twice respectively, and those appear to be guaranteed wins. There’s 4 wins right there.
Fun Fact: Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger had a wacky off-season that featured attempted rape in a casino. Attempted rape? What’s the matter Ben, couldn’t get it up?
AFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Indianapolis Colts (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Houston Texans (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Tennessee Titans (12-4) Interestingly enough, Sports Illustrated and I both say the Texans and the Colts will have identical records of 10-6. We just have the tie breakers going the other way. I like both teams this year, but I’m going to have to go with Tennessee to repeat as division champs. They have the most depth as a team, and losing Haynesworth does not catapult this team out of playoff contention.
Interesting Fact: It’s very easy to make a Peyton Manning joke.
AFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers (13-3)
Sports Illustrated- The San Diego Chargers (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Kansas City Chiefs (7-9) This division is abysmal. I’m picking the division winner to have a below .500 season. If people were embarassed that a division winner finished with an 8-8 record, just wait for this season. (FYI- I also picked the Chargers to go 7-9, but I’m DONE with that team. If they didn’t get it done in the last 5 years, they have no chance now.)
Interesting Fact: San Diego LB Shawne Merriman lead the league this preseason in Tila Tequila chokings.
NFC EAST
ESPN the Mag- The New York Giants (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The New York Giants (12-4)
Champzilla.com- The Washington Redskins (12-4) God help me I’m riding this pick to the grave. I’m predicting the Tony Romo/Roy Williams experiment will fail in Dallas, and that the Eagles will still be a contender, but I just can’t bring myself to pick the Giants. It’s impossible.
Interesting Fact- Things Eli Manning finds impossible: Peeing standing up; changing in the locker room in front of all the other boys; talking to a girl; not crying at the Grey’s Anatomy season finale.
NFC North
ESPN the Mag- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Sports Illustrated- The Chicago Bears (11-5)
Champzilla.com- The Minnesota Vikings (12-4) I thought this was a no-brainer, but apparently the best writers in the business think Chicago is hot shit. News Flash: Jay Cutler SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! Minnesota has the best Running Back in the game, and even if the Farve experiment doesn’t workout, they still have depth at the QB position.
Interesting Fact: Jay Cutler is so excited to be a Bear that he curled his pubes to look like the Chicago Bear “C”. One fell out in the process, but the two he has left look pretty cool.
NFC South
ESPN The Mag- The Carolina Panthers (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Atlanta Falcons are my team to beat this season. I’m totally gay for Matt Ryan, even more so now that he has THE GREATEST TIGHT END IN NFL HISTORY to pass to. Michael Turner is a beast and is now enetering his prime. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!: This team is going all the way (to losing to the Pats in the Superbowl)
Intersting Fact: The term “Tampa Bay Fuckin’ Queers” still makes me giggle. Haha.
NFC WEST
ESPN the Mag- The Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
Sports Illustrated- The Seattle Seahawks (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Arizona Cardinals (13-3) I think people tend to forget that this team was a 9-7 team that somehow won the entire NFC last year. Even a slight improvement on that record is enough to win the division, and they certainly have the tools to do just that. I’m not jumping on that Seahawks bandwagon again. I know it’s tempting, they made some great offseason moves (T.J. Houshmanzadeh; Edgerrin James), but when the team is absolutely crippled by the loss of their mediocre QB, it’s not a good sign.
Interesting Fact: Kurt Warner’s wife is somehow hot now. I shit you not.
AFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Jacksonville Jaguars (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (8-8)
Sports Illustrated- The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) and The Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
Champzilla.com- The Baltimore Ravens (10-6) and The Indianapolis Colts (10-6) Same Wild Card as last year. Nothing exciting. Shame on ESPN for thinking the AFC doesn’t have enough good teams that our second Wild Card slot will go to a .500 team.
Interesting Fact: Catch Ray Lewis in his new CBS sitcom “Everybody Loves Ravens”! (viewer discretion is strongly advised)
NFC WILD CARDS
ESPN the Mag- The Philadelphia Eagles (9-7) and The Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
Sports Illustrated- The Minnesota Vikings (10-6) and The Green Bay Packers (10-6)
Champzilla.com- The Green Bay Packers (10-6) and The New Orleans Saints (10-6) God help me, I like the Packers and the Saints this year.
Interesting Fact: Aaron Rogers lead the league last year in “spunk” and was second only to Matt Ryan in “moxie”.
SuperBowl 44 Picks
ESPN the Mag- The San Diego Chargers over The New York Giants (Gay and Gayer)
Sports Illustrated- The New England Patriots over the Chicago Bears
Champzilla.com- The New England Patriots over the Atlanta Falcons
IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE THE PATRIOTS DO NOT EXIST:
Bill Bellichick and a pack of hungry dogs over the Atlanta Falcons.
Interesting Fact: After picking the San Diego Chargers and the New York Giants to reach the Superbowl, ESPN the Mag officially changed its name to ESPN the Vag.
Shit I hope sticks when I throw it against the wall (wacky predictions):
-The Detroit Lions will get two wins this year. Home wins over the Cardinals and Steelers.
-The Tampa Bay Bucs will go 1-15
-The Oakland Raiders will go 1-15
-The Baltimore Ravens will make it to their second consecutive AFC Championship game.
-Rodney Harrsion will be delightful as a NFL color commentator.
-The Dallas Cowboys ‘Jerry-Tron’ will continue to be an embarassment.
-B.J. Raji will win Defensive Rookie of the Year
-Chad Ochocinco will be a top 5 reciever
-The Houston Texans will go 10-6 but miss the playoffs
-Mark Sanchez will win Rookie of the Year
-Tom Brady will win League MVP and Superbowl 44 MVP while making all the ladies moist
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